The Amazing Expandable Greta Garbo

Trouble has been scarce in Quincy, Massachusetts, lately, so I was forced to import some from Manhattan. When I think of "trouble," only one, petite, 14 pound minx comes to mind: Greta Garbo. And, so, I invited Ann Harris to visit, along with her 2-pack, Perry Winkle and Greta Garbo. Ann's third Eskie, Levi, stays home to babysit roommate Terry (they are inseparable). Well...if the truth be told, Terry won't let Ann leave home without Greta.... whom Terry has dubbed "The Rat."

   Perry in a rare quiet moment.

My old joke about Nadia was that "her big mouth could peel the paint off the walls." She has since been upstaged by Perry Winkle, who, in a past life, felled the fabled walls of Jericho with his deafening staccato half-barks. Perry skips the breathing process so that he can decrease the length of time between barks and extend the duration of the barking session. Perry's stamina is the stuff legends are made of. He employs this technique, quite effectively of course, to spur Ann into action.
Ah, and my little Greta Garbo....what can be said about the most adorable Eskie angel on the planet....remember the two sides of Linda Blair in the Exorcist? Well, there you have Greta Garbo. Greta's antics are endless....destruction and mayhem at every interval. She has driven Terry straight into the chardonnay bottle. My favorite episode is "Greta Garbo Unzips Terry's Purse and Snatches the Breakfast Bagels." I have fond recollections of Ann's last visit to Quincy. Stunned, I heard this NYU PhD bellowing, 'GODDAMNIT, GODDAMNIT, GODDAMNIT....," and as I rushed into the living room, there was the indefatigable Greta Garbo swinging from Ann's her teeth. Yes, clearly it was time for a visit from Greta Garbo.

And, so, I drove to Manhattan to pick them up for a long weekend visit. When I saw Greta Garbo she looked a little pudgy...well ok, she was damn fat. I was fully expecting Toll Plaza Collector to relegate us to the wide load lane. I was surprised that Ann had let Greta pack on such tonnage but held my tongue for the trip. Ann is a of those dog owners who pays close attention to every little thing, so you would think that she would have put Greta Garbo on a diet at some point between chunky and obese.

Greta and Perry lounge in the Quincy apartment...Nikki keeps watch from his crate/condo perch.

Finally, I could hold my tongue no longer. After a few glasses of wine, I said, "Ann, you have got to put Greta on a diet, she is huge!!!" First there was chilly silence, and then after a few moments, Ann said "Well, I can't deny it, she does look fat. But, what puzzles me is that I didn't notice it til now." It was only much later that Ann solved the mystery. Moments before loading Perry and Greta into the Passat for a midnight exit from Manhattan, she had discovered that Greta Garbo had helped herself to an unspecified portion of California Natural, the bag ripped open and dramatically lighter than it should have been. In the rush of packing the guys into the car before Perry's barking could wake the whole building, she simply forgot about the incident. However, "what goes in, must come out," so we were destined to witness the crap-o-rama of the century.
Barely out of the apartment on a potty run with Greta Garbo, Perry and, our foster girl, Phoebe, Ann was alerted by Greta slamming on the brakes. Greta "lost it" in the hallway, in front of my neighbor's door. Unfortunately, my neighbor opened her door at the exact moment to witness a woman in a Heart Bandits TeeShirt standing with three Eskies, one of whom is flooding the hallway with toxic waste. The neighbors response was, "Aren't they cute!!!" You would think that Ann might say something appropriate, like...."I don't live here, and these dogs don't live here...we are NEW YORKERS." But, no...Ann was tongue tied and she stood there in a shameless impersonation of me and the Angels From God. After all, who in their right mind would suspect that there were TWO women and SIX white dogs in one apartment.
Ann rushed in to acquire the cleaning supplies and handed off the dogs to me, so that I could take them out the back door to complete the potty trip. As I went down the back stairs with Ann's dogs and the Angels From God, Greta reprised her performance with a remarkable cascade of diarrhea, artfully deposited for maximum stair coverage. The second bout set new records and defied logic...and unfortunately expanded to an area unavoidable by twelve pairs of Eskie paws. Back in the apartment, I removed all traces of the incident from our dogs' feet and legs. An hour later, Ann returned with an empty bottle of carpet cleaner and a bag of poopy paper towels, expressing the appropriate amount of sheer mortification. And, The only logical next step was to crack open the pinot grigio and put our feet up, while we waited for Greta Garbo's next power poop. We are pleased to report that once Greta Garbo had fully evacuated the premises, she regained her girlish figure.


The subplot: Phoebe flirts shamelessly with Perry...

Greta responds with a few choice verbalizations and then decides that play is more fun.


For more Greta exploits, visit her adoption page.

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© 2001 Eskies Online/Denise Gareau